#DearBlackMan - Voices from women who love you some more

Notify me if this is your image so I can tag

I must say that I am super encouraged by all the ‪#‎DearBlackMan‬ feedback. This morning I got an inbox by a #DearBlackMan who shared how the #DearBlackMan posts have impacted his life. In a nutshell, he has not been doing good by his child. His excuse: His finances have been waning and business is not doing good. He admitted to being a coward and taking the easy way out. Through the #DearBlackMan posts he saw a different perspective and began to deal with himself. He decided to ask himself tough questions and forego the 'illusive' ego and contact the mother firstly, to apologise and secondly, to break his situation down to her. To his surprise, she was understanding. She wanted his presence in their child's life first. She does expect him to contribute financially but that is not all that she expects of him.

This is not a unique situation my family. Nor are we rewarding a fish for swimming but... Reality is that we have a broken society. Relationships with fathers are not where they ought to be. The past and the conditioning of violent masculinities has screwed us over big time. This is not a platform to excuse some crude realities but we are fighting with LOVE so that we can Deconstruct unhealthy 'realities' and 'norms' we have come to know.

Below are some nuggets to the #DearBlackMan we image or those we hold dear to our hearts.


#‎DearBlackMan‬
Often it's said that society has constructed a skew role for you when it comes to relating to a woman (and visa versa). You are taught that you are a provider, protector, leader and and and... But isn't this what we ought to do for each other? These roles cannot be one sided though. As your friend, sister and life partner. I should be able to provide, protect and lead you too. Think about this for a second.... Has it sunk in? Life is out of balance because we have gendered roles. You too can nurture, groom the kids, become emotional, and be my sex mafia akere? We will of course gravitate towards our strengths because of who we are as peoples and not because you are a man and I am a woman. Life would be so much simpler and fun that way. ‪#‎Kisses‬

Love, Malebo

#‎DearBlackMan‬ I love your warmth even when you are a boss you are not cold and distant. You still wear your brother hat or father hat, you understand people's family dynamics and what is needed. You are a compassionate leader. Thank you.

#‎DearBlackMan‬ I love watching a group of black men as they tell each other stories. I love the manner with which he carefully crafts his story enjoying every bit of the journey as he transports you with his skillful storytelling. I love how black men are so completely present to one another as they listen to each other's stories anywhere they meet. Often there is much laughter and delight on their faces as they listen. I love the way the black man enjoys himself when he laughs. He has so much swagg even when he laughs, it is never just laughter.

#‎DearBlackMan‬ I love watching black men when they bump into each other. I love how they stop and how time stands still as they pay full attention to one another. I love how they'll call one another with endearing names such as their clan names. How they always find a way to explain how they are related, the brotherhood that seems like an extension of themselves to the other. I love the love that is always present in their handshake. I love how the handshake can linger to the point that they may walk together slowly holding hands and possibly laughing out loud, smiling and delighting in one another. Particularly if they are older. Black man you are so warm and kind. You add such value to another human being by simply greeting. When you part with that one person you have greeted, you have uplifted their sense of dignity even their humanity. When you part with that person you have greeted you leave a person who has a better sense of who they are, that they belong, they are loved and they matter in this world.
 
Love,Sikelelwa Siki-First Dlanga

#‎DearBlackMan‬ thank you for taking time out to teach me some major life lessons, you have teach in 2 months what would take years to learn in the school of life

#‎DearBlackMan‬ I cannot stress it enough how amazing it is that you are able to look past her flaws and short comings and love her with all your might. Thank you..

Love, Terry Khoza

 #‎DearBlackMan‬ Thank you for protecting me ... Thank you for all those nights you prepared supper and made our child sleep, without waving the fact that the woman is expected to be in the Kitchen. Thank you tucking me in when I am sick, as if im a little girl, making me feel totally reliant on you. Our house will not stop fuctioning because I had to go out of the country or to an emergency at home or work. Without making it obvious you watch and learn what I do and when im not there you do it not exactly but to fit the purpose and thats what makes you special...

Love, Kgomotso Khosa

#‎Dearblackman‬
Thank you so so so much for celebrating me this morning. I am totally humbled by your kind words and salutations. You are an awesome #Dearblackman and I love you.

#‎Dearblackman‬ what's with this tendency of you calling me to get out of my way and come to you or make a sudden stop for you to ask my name???? Aowa man, step up!

Love. Reshoketswe Chiloane

#DearBlackman
Today I want to reflect on who you are in my life. You put your interest on hold at some point because you wanted to see me educated. I remember after your retrenchment how you took back your brand new car to the garage because with all the savings you had, you were prepared to pay for my college fees. Today I have education and knowledge because of the foundation you laid in my life. You always said to me that "What you could not achieve in your life, you will make sure that I achieve them", that has now become my foundation as well, because today I am a Parent also. Thank you for all the sacrifices you made for me and I Love you

Love, Lucia Mfolo

#‎Dearblackman‬
I'm sitting in silence, thinking about all you have done for me...Words fail me.
I look at how you treat your family and those close to you, your love is genuine, you are selfless.

I'm brought to tears by you supporting my dreams. You know what makes me feel alive and fulfilled, you push me to pursue these.
My #Dearblackman, let me take this time to celebrate you. For raising me and many others in the way of the LORD thank you, your prayers are prevailing much. For your warm timely hugs that affirm me of your love, thank you.
Thank you for being a father that I never had.
With lots of love, one of your many daughters.

Love,  Lebogang Monnyana

#‎DearBlackMan‬ I really appreciate your presence in my life who would have thought my younger brother would be my business manager one day? Yes we started with four others employees they quit and I know its not an easy job but you proved your loyalty to me and how competent you are at what you do and client satisfaction means so much to you,you share my vision for this business,you've been there since day 1 and despite our siblings fights you always have my back,I know life has knocked us down and growing up without a mother has somehow made us vulnerable but you proved to be stronger you are the thorn and our only brother...I respect your loyalty in my life,your love for soccer...I pray God answers you soonest and you go play professionally,as I write this I am emotional cause your understanding of human behavior and character is amazing without you I would have closed my doors already Ngiyabonga for being a great business partner and a great young brother in the whole world...God grant you all the best in life Themba Masondo Nyambose baba!!!Forward We Go!!!

 Love, Charmaine Pinotage Dlamini-Mashaba

 I have a little trepidation about my first ‪#‎dearblackman‬ being so frivolous BUT I know Malebo Gololo will be fine with it. #dearblackman some of us sure miss the days when you had hair. Our streets did not look like they were over run by ..., and we had something to hold on to, you know...when we needed to hold on. So pretty please, just a little smaller nyana Afro?

Love, Kagiso Msimango