Black Beauty Puzzle - The white wedding gown

Every young girl's dream

It is without a doubt that our background and environment has a huge role to play in how we turn out as adults.  This role shapes most of our perceptions and decision making.  Growing up as a girl child, three things were almost always on my mind; my body, my matric dance dress and my wedding dress.  I had my matric dance dress designed at the back of my Bible when I was at the tender age of 13 and had my wedding dress designed when I was 18, of course my wedding dress design changed with time, but one thing kept it constant, it was the fact that it was white.  The only exposure I had as a young one to a wedding was that of my uncle and aunt.  I was on both occasions, a "strooimeisi" (bridesmaid).  My aunt got married in her Sunday best two-piece and changed later into a beautiful traditional outfit while my uncle's bride got married in a white wedding gown and also changed later into a beautiful Sepedi traditional outfit.  I thoroughly enjoyed these weddings, both went over two days, the first day at the bride's place and the second day at the groom's.  My highlight has to be the marching and dancing up and down the streets to the joyful melodies of the brass band. Ahhhh, what a treat.

In 2003, I attended a friend's wedding in Germany and it was very different.  We attended the church ceremony which was followed by a reception.  The reception was rather interesting, very creative program with loads of sketches and comedies.  It was a treat because I was appreciating a different type of wedding. In 2005 I attended another wedding in New York and I was not moved in any way other than the fact that a good friend was getting married,  we attended the ceremony at a church and then went to a hotel for the reception, the program was filled with speeches and we had loads of food to eat.  I did not have the inspiration to write home and tell them about this wedding.  Then the time arrived where I was at the age where it was appropriate for marriage which meant that everyone around me was getting married and I was flooded with wedding invitations.  You can imagine how shattered I was when I discovered that my friends and acquaintances' weddings mirrored what I had experienced in New York.  Where was the dancing? where was the colourful traditional regalia? I was beyond shattered.

I cannot dispute the fact that my friends were gorgeous in their white dresses but I am of the opinion that not as gorgeous as they would have been in their traditional outfits.  On one or two occasions I would have the pleasure of attending a traditional wedding, but this was never seen as a "real" wedding, I guess that is why, more often than not, most traditional weddings are followed by the main wedding which is the "white wedding".  In my adulthood I find that when I do something, I have to fully understand it, and this has frustrated many people because we live in a culture where most people do not question things and do because it's always been done like that.  When you are a person who questions, seeking understanding, you are usually labelled as a "know it all". I went out to find out for myself where this "notorious" tradition of the white wedding gown comes from.

Historically, weddings during the middle ages always symbolised a union between two parties.  Mostly between businesses or countries.  This was more of a political symbol than that of love and it was practiced amongst the elites.  Brides had to dress in a manner befitting to their family's social status.  If you were from a wealthy family, you would wear rich colours and exclusive fabrics.  If you were from a more poor family, you would wear your Sunday best.  Red was the more popular colour for weddings during that era.

The white wedding gown was made popular in 1840, after the marriage of Queen Victoria to Prince Albert.  Victoria wore a white wedding gown because she wanted to incorporate some lace she loved.  After her wedding, many brides copied this and made white the colour of choice for their weddings.  

In 1981, Prince Charles married Diana where she wore a white taffeta dress with a long train; this wedding was viewed by at least one out of six people around the world. This wedding has been recorded as the most influential wedding of the 20th century.  Many people assume that the colour white originally symbolised purity and virginity, but it was the colour blue which symbolised purity and faithfulness. Typical Western wedding ceremonies include going to church for the exchange of vows(which are nowhere to be found in the Bible by the way) and then attending a reception where people give speeches and eat.

Day 1 of wedding - traditional outfit

My best friend Shweshwe recently had a white wedding after years of being married to her husband.  She had married quietly at church with her nice Sunday outfit followed by  "lunch" with a handful of friends and family members.  Years later she was haunted by the fact that she had never had a "proper" white wedding celebration and so we set out to plan the wedding of her dreams.  She insisted on a white gown as you cannot complete a wedding without the white gown. Her wedding happened in Rustenburg over two days, almost reminding me of my uncle and aunt's wedding as we marched and danced in the dusty streets of the bride and groom's villages.  I was the maid of honour this time around and I love the fact that we got to change into traditional outfits.  This was awesome as we danced to the sounds of the brass brands, I was literally the last person dancing to their tunes, well myself and those drunk aunties and uncles. What a treat.

Shwe in her white dress

Shwe in a traditional SeTswana outfit

Shwe in a Modern traditional wedding dress

My brother got married to one of the most beautiful ladies I know.  My brother had the luxury of having three different types of weddings.  He had what we deem the "Gololo tradition" wedding (church the entire day with loads of WORD and prayer) and then a celebration at the Bride's home where people are served with food and lots of music to dance to.  The second wedding was the Western White wedding and then the third was so that we could enjoy marching and dancing down the street with a brass band.  The tears that overwhelmed me when I saw her dancing was just too emotional to recollect, never had I seen her so beautiful, this reaction was priceless.  I would expect the same reaction when I saw her in her white wedding gown, well, I did shed a tear or two but it was the fact that I could not walk my brother down the isle due to my own "dress" issues.  Although she was extremely beautiful, I think she was most gorgeous when she had the traditional outfit on.

celebrations

My brother, me and the Bride

We have to dance, don't take that away

The Brass band to make us happy

Makoti (Bride) getting down

All my friends and sisters' wedding gowns are safely packed somewhere and never to be worn again, well they hope that one day they will get to wear the gown again.  I honestly do not understand the logic of spending so much money on a gown and never wearing it again.  At least Victoria who set this trend, had her gown altered after the wedding so that she can wear it again.

I do understand that we all have a choice in how we carry out our lives.  Post-colonialism altered and discredited many of Afrika's true heritage.  19 years into democracy and we are embracing diversity and multiculturalism. Although this is "good" as an image. I can't help asking the question: why is that the effort to adopt different cultures into our lives always comes from mostly Black Afrikans, but the rest of the demographic, well most of them, hardly make an effort to learn about South Afrika's native history let alone learn the different traditions and languages?  I have a Caucasian friend who says he is just too old to learn any of the other 10 South Afrikan official languages (he speaks English and Afrikaans), if that is the case and a valid excuse, the least one can do is teach their children to speak one of the indigenous official languages.  Wait a minute, what am I saying? How is that possible when a whole lot of teenage black South Afrikans cannot even have a conversation in their mother tongue?