I cannot deny that my road to 30 has been one filled with adventure and I have learned serious life lessons that have grounded me to the woman I am today. I wont try and be all corny on you and list 30 things I have learned in my journey. I will list all the lessons I feel are truly worthy of making the list. enjoy
1. God loves me - #WalkingOnWater on steroids
There is nothing that I can do to make God love me less or more than the next person. God loves me unconditionally and the plans are never to harm me but to prosper me. Even though I find myself in the valley of the shadow of death, God is with me. I can have a personal deep relationship with God. My relationship with God is at its peak and I get it, God is my source and I can totally depend on God at all times
For the better part of my life, I have always been concerned about fitting the mould of society. Doing what was expected of me and making sure that my life aligned with those who saw me as their role models. From a young age I had a leadership role so I could not do the things that the inner me desired; instead I had to draw a perfect picture. A time comes in your life when you have to make a decision and I took mine. I decided to live an authentic life which is being true to myself and free from any pretense (ok, not all the way free). I have found that when I am being myself, life rocks and history gets made. I am allowed to question stuff and dethrone all the self assigned spokespeople of my life. I go against the current wave and live life the way my convictions see fit. My values stem from my relationship with God and that is what directs my life. I will never live a life filled with rules and boarders. This is not to say that I am BAD, no, I am just uncomfortable to those who enjoy living in a box
If it has a set of rules which cannot be explained. Count me out. I was a missionary at one point in my life and our calling was to share the Gospel wherever we went. We used to have a mantra "preach at all times but use words whenever necessary". This simply meant that we had to become like Christ in all we did. One thing that Christ did really well on earth was to reflect God's unconditional love. Because of that background I cannot be party to institutionalised religion which segregates people and spends time with a red pen. The Love of God compels me to treat everyone as God would and that is free from judgement and condemnation. To love at all times and to preach to their lives using my life. Many religious folk have labelled me as a 'heathen' or whatchamacaalit. It's fine with me. Well behaved women seldom make history. Don't believe me? Ask Esther, Ruth, Mary, Deborah, Abigail....Get it? ok
We are always fed the perfect picture of success. Get the right job, buy a big house and drive the right car. That is the picture of success that everyone lives to attain. I had a flourishing career, at the peak of the corporate ladder, buying expensive cars and motorbikes but still, I searched for success and failed to find it. I still felt empty because my career kept me from everything that I knew I was meant for. My job left me empty and cynical and so I could not operate in the proper frame of mind to achieve my purpose outside my job. I am not one to encourage people to resign if they can still achieve their life purpose outside their jobs, but when the same job keeps you from your purpose, then touch decisions need to be made. I jumped ship and #WalkedOnWater. It was when I was outside the system did I realise how much of the "success dream" is in fact like slavery. You get told when to wake up, when to go home, when to have lunch, what you can afford and when to take time off to be with your family. The system is so tight that when you try and break loose from it; life is made so tough that you will get tempted to return (another topic for another blog post)
5. On Mentorship
If I could exist in silo I would. Honestly, I love my own company. I love doing things by myself and not having to explain why I take the decisions I do. In reality, we cannot achieve maximum excellence if we do things alone. Mentorship is essence and key to one's success in life. Think about it; identifying someone who lives what you envision for your life. Learning from their errors and successes. Tapping into their wealth of knowledge; come on... What could take me 10 years to learn would probably take me a year to learn with a mentor by my side. Once I got over the mentorship phobia, I obtained a mentor in everything I do. I even have an eating mentor. Yep, you read correctly. Someone who helps me with my eating habits. I still haven't figured out the whole formal mentorship process. I usually bond with my mentors on a very personal and spiritual level and it just happens.
6. Me being a Mentor
I guess I live like a #Rockstar and make #SuperShero duties seem like a walk in the park. Many appreciate my efforts and want a piece of the pie. I get loads of requests daily of people wanting me to mentor them. Although I am truly flattered, I never know how to mentor someone formally. I would usually say yes and it is followed by awkward months of silence. On my birthday I had many posts on my facebook wall from individuals who consider themselves as my mentees. I realised that the "what" is common among them is the fact that I have deep spiritual connections with each one of them. It is nothing formalised, it's natural, it just happens. So this time, when someone asks me to mentor them, I give them my contacts. If it works out between us, it does, if it doesn't, we will have to move right along. This is why I have dismally failed at being a life coach, it is just not my thing - formal things really freak me out :)
7. Authencticity
While we are on the mentorship topic. As I have explained earlier, all my life, I have had to live up to a certain picture of perfection. I stopped living up to that picture and just became myself. I cannot mentor you if you are not aware of my essence because really, essence is contagious. I am flawed as a human being and I have my weaknesses. I will not apologise for being a human being and not some mortal being as some would have me to be. I believe that authenticity is something that needs to be encouraged amongst us. It is when you see the person that you can forgive them when they faulter. If you make a god out of someone, when they fail, it is very difficult to forgive them and believe in their cause
8. Ben10s are overrated
What is the big deal about age anyways?
I am a feminist because I spent most of my time advancing the cause of women. I have seen the ugly face of abuse and pain at the hands of a man and I know what it means to be part of a heavily patriarchal society. I know what it feels like to be looked down because of gender or to fulfill quota because of the same. I became very curious as to why men hurt women and this led me to a research at one of our maximum facilities in South Afrika. Coming face to face with the countries most dangerous criminals. Building trust with them and being able to enter their world. The experience taught me something. It was not about me. The hurting person hurts others, even the most anti-social person has no inherent need to hurt others. Mental health is not a fully explored topic in our country and thus many of our people will keep hurting each other. I decided I will not protest against rape by marching or hating men. But instead I will highlight the good men in our society so that the boy child has someone positive to look up to hence the #DearBlackMan campaign. It doesn't make sense to build the girl child and leave the boy child behind. As Freud would have it, early childhood development is key in preventing some of the world's most hideous atrocities
10. Entrepreneurship is not always greener on the other side
Ok, so there I was with a spectacular gift of speaking and doing amazing things. I thought hey, since I got paid to speak while working, I will do this full time and get paid more and I will do all of these other things as well. prrrrrrrrrr - as if. If your aim is to make millions within the first year of venturing into Entrepreneurship, I ask you to reevaluate your decision. This thing is a calling - you need to be able to survive through the slum. No one tells you about the stuff you have to work on behind the scenes. The heartaches, uncertainties, self-doubt, random outbursts of whatchimacallit. There is a lot that goes into living as an Entrepreneur before the fruits show. Sometimes we see pseudo-pictures of those who pretend to have arrived or those who do not tell us of their dark days that they lived through. So we are disillusioned into thinking that the minute we go into business, we will be signing cheques on some beach. Yes there are a handful of those who get that right at get go but I do not want to lie to you. Our country does not make it easier either. Where was I? yes, many see this glamorous picture and try it out for a year and when they see no results (often after losing money and probably, their spouses) they lose hope. It's tough this thing but oh so sweet and worth it when you are in it for the long haul
11. The gift of receiving
I grew up as a giver and receiving has been an awkward act to engage in for a long time. Until I realised that the reason my seed flourishes so much when I give is because the one who receives it, receives with a grateful heart. Oh dear! What happens to those who have given me and I have had a weird heart? It is as if they had planted their seeds on concrete. The fact that you cannot receive also registers in the heavenlies and how are you supposed to be blessed when you cannot receive? So I am on a mission to receive, so if you have any gifts to give away, send them my way ok
12. Secret desires
We are somehow afraid to voice out our secret desires. I do not know why we fear this. I have loads of fears about telling people what I secretly desire. It has taken me sometime to get around to saying "Hey, you know what I would like...". Please don't ask me why, because I have no reason. I am just afraid. So listen here ok. I want to finally publish all my books. I want to be bigger than Oprah. I want to lose 20 kilos. I want to be paid to review Afrikan literature. I want to start my own fashion label. I want a husband who is going to give me pocket money to travel around Afrika and do shopping. I want a man who will never cheat on me. There I said it, what are you going to do to me? NOTHING!!! I thought so. Now it's your turn, what do you want?
Believe it or not, I have never always felt this way. Mara shem, I am hot ok
14.Books can take you wherever you want to go
I have sat at the tables of kings because of books. I have been mistaken for a double doctorate bearer because of my love for books (I quoted some serious social anthropologist which left all the academics with their jaws on the floor). It's not intelligence really. It's reading, mixing it with experience and having your own opinion on matters (citing really important people helps O_o). Stop stealing people's statuses and pass it as your own, that really sucks so stop it
15. I know absolutely nothing
The more I think I know, the more I realise I know nothing. Hey, just because something is king for you, doesn't mean it's king for the next person. Do not get it twisted
I guess 15 counts as 30 because if you add another 15 it adds up to 30. I am looking forward to giving the next decade everything that I have. I am happier than I have ever been. I can do what I want, when I want and no one can tell me anything without my buy in.Here is to many moments of whooooo whoooooo as we live this 30 out.
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