That
moment when you are dressed down and you figure you look like a zombie and a
little boy kid looks at you in awe and tells you how pretty you are. Wow, this
should be an awesome feeling right? Well, I found myself conflicted when
something like that recently happened to me. I wondered what this boy had seen,
not that I doubted the way I looked, but I was wondering if he saw right
through me into
my inner beauty. This was a real breakthrough for me.
I am
pretty confident about the way I look, well maybe 80% confident with the help
of some make up. But he reminded me of the journey that I took to arrive to
that 80%. It was a very emotional moment for me. I do not struggle with sharing
my weaknesses because I want people to see the greatness of God in my life.
I remember
as a young girl, I suffered serious self-esteem issues. These issues were
mainly about what I thought about me as a person and the way I looked. I always
thought people saw an undesirable species. I remember an incident when I was
about nine years old, there were these two ladies, they told me that I was a
pretty child. It took me a while to digest that. That memory is still so clear
in my mind. I thought they were crazy and imagining things.
No matter
how much I ‘fixed’ what I looked like, I was never satisfied. This was because
the issues stemmed from a rotten root called sexual violation. This violation
bred self-esteem issues within me. I spent time creating stories in my head
about how I needed to protect myself. This is the very reason for my very
strong character. All created to protect me from the big bad world. I am of the
opinion that many
“superwomen” that are out there do not really have it all together as they
would have everyone believe. I believe that most strong women are battling with
themselves.
I missed
many opportunities in life because I thought I was not worth it. Sometimes when
I look at pictures of myself when I was 24, I am shocked at how hot I was but
at that time when I looked in the mirror I saw an ugly girl. During my time
serving communities around the world, I learnt about loving your own skin. I
also learnt that it doesn’t matter what another thinks of you, all that matters
is that you think you are beautiful. Yah ne! It worked for a while. I fooled
myself into thinking that I believed that and would still battle in secrecy
about the way I looked. Until one day when I discovered inner beauty secrets. I
came to an understanding that if I am not satisfied with who I am on the inside
then indeed I will not regard the outside.
I spent
some time with God crying out to be mendede; clearly there was a root to
all of this. I had to start from ground zero. Honestly, it’s easy telling
people what to do because you know the truth, the trick is applying that trick
into your life. I looked at myself in the mirror. It took me a while to see any
good, but when I did, I saw my body. I looked at it and imagined when God was
forming me. How every single curve on my body was carefully crafted. My legs
were not as bad as I had imagined, my beautiful legs make up for my
“kiss-kiss”. I looked at my face and was emotionally moved. I had a pretty nice
smile, and that smile wouldn’t be so nice without my chubby cheeks. I saw my eyes;
they were cool, and my flat nose, now that is one awesome nose. I realised that
I was wonderfully and fearfully made. I understood that I Malebo am Gorgeousity
Defined – “that cloth inside of you that you have woven to give the outside you
definition.” YO!!!!!!! !I was like a rose stuck in a bud and now I realised my
Gorgeousity and I had bloomed. My journey began and I had to deal with the
root. It’s the small things I do daily that heal me. Let me not give it all
away. Enjoy our #GorgeousityInMe project and we hope you find
your INNER beauty.
More
info: #GorgeousityInMe Project
No comments:
Post a Comment