I once asked my grandfather how does an individual discover what they are meant to do on earth and his answer has never left my heart even though he might have passed on. He said to me “My girl, whatever hurts you in this world, that is what you must fix” – so I always find myself in a fix, because when I was a young girl, I wanted to be SHERA – the Super Shero – the one who saves the world, maybe that is why so many things in this world, on this continent rather, hurt me the way they do.
A disclaimer before I begin my thought process: I do not think that I am racist and I do not hate whites but what I do detest is race supremacy in whichever form it presents itself. My mind is very conscientised and because of that, I am enjoying this road of slef-discovery as an Afrikan. There are few challenges which we find ourselves living through on this continent, should an individual wish to engage on robust discussions on race - you are quickly dismissed and deemed racist, I wish we had more individuals who took dialogue about pertinent issues more seriously, it is within this dialogue that our minds begin to be stimulated. It is a sad reality that many South Afrikan young people do not read and engage in meaningful dialogues and thus breeding a generation of young people with no opinions, and when you do not have an opinion, you are forced to believe whatever that is fed to you.
Our environment has to some extend influence on how we turn out as individuals. I grew up in the environment where I was shielded from the scourge of apartheid. The only memory I have of apartheid is the scar I bear on my left funny bone - the only thing I remember from that scar is that my mom was rushing somewhere and she was holding my hand, I was a bit too slow and she was in such a hurry that she pulled me to catch up and I fell and scraped my funny bone. I then, did not know what was going on but after conversations around my scar when I was older, she told me the story of how black people were not allowed in town by a certain time and she needed to make sure that she was out of town by the allocated time or else trouble woould have fallen upon us on that day. I also have another memory, I remember the day Mandela was released, I was 6 years old and everyone was glued on their TV screens watching this historic event taking place. I remember being part of the audience, I saw him walking down the streets (Sarafina’s song playing at the back of my mind “Bring Back Nelson Mandela”) but I did not know what was going on. At 6 years old, a child is already aware of their emotions and those around them, they are able to comprehend sophisticated concepts and they are at the most amazing time for cognitive change, so I do wish someone had enlightened me as I feel that would have allowed me to be more aware of what was happening in the country I was a citizen in.
I grew up very naïve to the race issues in South Afrika and felt that I was not affected in any way. Although I felt that i was not completely affected, the values of white supremacy existed in our culture. At that time, no one took the time to tell us our history, the proper immediate history, not the one which we were taught at schools, if that is a good thing or not? I do not have the answer to that; all I believe in is that history is important.
After my high school years, I took some time doing what you may call, mission work, in 2002 I became part of a multiracial team and our mission was to spread the message of racial reconciliation and this is where I came face to face with the facts and truths of what had taken place in South Afrika. I remember visiting the Hector Pieterson Memorial and the Apartheid Museum. It was incredibly painful to come to the realisation that we have such a history in South Afrika. I guess the message needed to be alive in us before we could preach it to others; our team consisted of every race represented in South Afrika. We were very close as we definitely saw each other beyond the colour of our skin. Wherever we went, people seemed to be disturbed by our "closeness". I remember an incidence in Magaliesburg where I was leaning on my white Afrikaans colleague and a white Afrikaans man looked at us and shook his head disapproving of what was going on. I dated an indian man at that time and we had a hard time showing our affection publicly.
One particular day, I was sitting with two of my white colleagues in the office and the office assistant’s boyfriend called in. One of the colleagues made a very disturbing comment after the phone call. “I wonder why Elizabeth (not her real name) would date that boy; he sounds so DOF (stupid)”. I asked what makes her come to that conclusion since she didn’t have him on the phone for that long and she said and I quote “his tongue is so thick and he speaks so slowly”. This was a clear indication that the more articulate you are in the English language the more intelligent you are perceived to be.
The point I am trying to make is that we can never reach the ideal non-racial state until the non-blacks deal with their subtle racial supremacy entitlement behaviour. The fact that PW Botha refused to apologise for apartheid and De Klerk said in not so many words that apartheid was an experiment which did not work alone undermines the tragedies that took place during the apartheid years. Maybe it is that fact that perpetuates the racial supremacy amongst my white counterparts. I guess the same way blacks were enslaved mentally which got passed on from generation to generation applies to whites as well – just theirs was a superiority complex slavery – as Frantz Fanon puts it “The black man enslaved by his inferiority, the white man enslaved by his superiority alike behave in accordance with a neurotic orientation.”
In the words of Mandela “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.” If you ask anyone globally which word is associated with Mandela? that word would be “forgiveness”. Usually in life, when someone has done you harm, it is advisable to forgive them, but you cannot really forgive them until you have worked through that which they have done to you. Mandela worked through his emotions and came to a compromise with the apartheid government which led him to making the decision to forgive. We can also assume that the contents of the negotiations led to Mandela being more forgiving towards the race that was known as the “oppressor” then. My worry is that although Mandela made this decision on behalf of the country, who else had prepared their emotions or mind for this “transition”? Was it ok to be oppressed today and then tomorrow smile with the very person who oppressed you without having to go through some sort of therapy? Yes the TRC was put in place but I do not think that it was aimed at bringing healing to our nation; I think it would be worthwhile to read Reconciliation without Justice by Mahmood Mamdani (Issue 46, November/December 1996) and you will maybe understand why I stand by that notion.
A Russian Proverb says: “Injustice is like having an eye gouged out, but looking away is losing both eyes” , I am in no way advocating that war needed to be declared but sweeping the debris into the drain and walking away will eventually clog the drain. In my opinion, forgiveness did not take place, it was just a mere forced tolerance.
I recently had the awesome opportunity to watch the remake of Sarafina by the TUT University students which was played at the Soweto theatre, only this time Sarafina was played by a white girl. Sarafina is a musical by Mbongeni Ngema depicting students involved in the Soweto Riots, in opposition to apartheid. The scenes in the play definitely scratched some wounds as looking around the room, tears and sniffs were all over the place, particularly amongst the men. I also happened to listen in on a conversation between people who were part of the struggle and experienced apartheid first hand and them relating their emotional state made me extremely sad. You could literally smell their emotional septic wounds and see the pus coming out in the form of bitterness and resentment. This is 19 years into freedom. Whose duty was it to afford these individuals appropriate therapy to deal with the scourge of apartheid? Is that even possible?
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