I am not a racist Part 2

Muhammad Ali said “Hating people because of their colour is wrong. And it doesn't matter which colour does the hating. It's just plain wrong“.  It makes my heart sad that this is a reality in such a beautiful country. We can all account for stories where we experienced racial discrimination at one stage in our lives.

I had a very unfortunate incident recently.  I was visiting my sister and the complex where she stays has an electronic security system.  You dial into the complex and it goes through to her phone and she opens the gate through pressing a button on her phone.  She was not home so we agreed I would let myself in while I wait for her to return.   As I tried to dial into her complex, there was a bit of a network cross line problem as the call went through to someone else.  A vehicle parked behind me and hooted and I wondered what this vehicle would have me to do since I couldn't move. I also did not understand why they would hoot because there was more than enough space on my left for another vehicle to fit.  The driver of that vehicle seemed quite impatient, drove next to me and asked if I could please reverse, wait, there was no please, just “can you reverse” – so it was more of an order.  I thought to myself that this driver must have had a bad day so I went ahead and reversed.  The driver got out of the car, he was a white man, about 1.72m tall and he had an Afrikaans accent.   He stood at the gate and called out to his friend (let me assume they are friends) because the friend’s complex is closer to the gate.  This irritated me a bit because I do not understand why he asked me to reverse. The gate opened and he drove in and the gate closed by the time I wanted to squeeze my car through.

He didn’t take long at his friend's place because he drove out in no time,  he still found me where I was, this time he drove right in front of my car, I just don’t know why he didn’t make use of the space next to my car.  He hooted for me to move out of the way and I did not budge.  He got out of the car, came to my window and said “are you stupid huh? Why are you so TOOOOOOOT stupid, no wonder the government is like this, you are so stupid?” I was in such shock that i literally felt a sweet potatoe in my throat and hence I couldn’t respond, my eyes popped out as I looked at him, and all I saw was anger and hatred in his eyes.  I was not thinking straight so I closed my window and reversed,  I think I was not in the mood to fight, as soon as he drove away – my eyes started watering and my heart shattered into little pieces like a delicate glass that had just been dropped from the 12^th floor.  I broke down and cried. It was so painful.

I was definitely having a delayed reaction to the whole thing because I could not believe that I did not answer him back being the Pan_afrikanist that I am.  If I was feeling like this over such a small silly incident, how must the people who fought for our country have felt during apartheid? How did they overcome all of the deeply rooted pain and anger? I cannot imagine this man talking to my father like this or my grandfather for that matter.  My mind started getting carried away, imagine a man travelling with his entire household and he gets humiliated in front of his family, imagine him having to take his pants off and bark like a dog, in front of his family.  I tried to comprehend the extend of the psychological damage this system had on black people, damage that possibly got passed on from generation to generation.  Perhaps that is why fatherhood is such a problem on this continent.  We have fathers whose integrity and pride has been dragged into the gutters and the only way they can respond to anyone is through violence because of the deeply rooted anger and bitterness which has not being dealt with. I don't even think the word "anger" even begins to define what they must be manifesting.  My mind was definitely going into overdrive and I needed something to balnce out all the enotions I was experiencing so I immediately got one of my mentors on the phone, he was very key during the 1976 uprising so he'd hear me out just fine.  I related what had happened and tried to find out how they dealt with such incidences during the oppression era.

He took a while before he answered me; he used that opportunity to tell me stories of the old, stories of how they used books, theater, sports, music etc... to push hope, hope that one day they will rise above all that was happening.  “How did you rise above that?” I asked

“We fought it tooth and nail with everything we got until we defeated the system” he responded.  Could this mean we also have to fight? How do we fight in Post-apartheid era? “Education” he said, education is key.  The enemy has a new face and if you look in the mirror, that's the new face of the enemy. My thoughts are still in process...

I am not a racist Part 1

I once asked my grandfather how does an individual discover what they are meant to do on earth and his answer has never left my heart even though he might have passed on.  He said to me “My girl, whatever hurts you in this world, that is what you must fix” – so I always find myself in a fix, because when I was a young girl, I wanted to be SHERA – the Super Shero – the one who saves the world, maybe that is why so many things in this world, on this continent rather, hurt me the way they do.  

A disclaimer before I begin my thought process: I do not think that I am racist and I do not hate whites but what I do detest is race supremacy in whichever form it presents itself.  My mind is very conscientised and because of that, I am enjoying this road of slef-discovery as an Afrikan. There are few challenges which we find ourselves living through on this continent, should an individual wish to engage on robust discussions on race - you are quickly dismissed and deemed racist, I wish we had more individuals who took dialogue about pertinent issues more seriously, it is within this dialogue that our minds begin to be stimulated.  It is a sad reality that many South Afrikan young people do not read and engage in meaningful dialogues and thus breeding a generation of young people with no opinions, and when you do not have an opinion, you are forced to believe whatever that is fed to you. 

Our environment has to some extend influence on how we turn out as individuals.  I grew up in the environment where I was shielded from the scourge of apartheid. The only memory I have of apartheid is the scar I bear on my left funny bone - the only thing I remember from that scar is that my mom was rushing somewhere and she was holding my hand, I was a bit too slow and she was in such a hurry that she pulled me to catch up and I fell and scraped my funny bone.  I then, did not know what was going on but after conversations around my scar when I was older, she told me the story of how black people were not allowed in town by a certain time and she needed to make sure that she was out of town by the allocated time or else trouble woould have fallen upon us on that day. I also have another memory, I remember the day Mandela was released, I was 6 years old and everyone was glued on their TV screens watching this historic event taking place. I remember being part of the audience, I saw him walking down the streets (Sarafina’s song playing at the back of my mind “Bring Back Nelson Mandela”) but I did not know what was going on.  At 6 years old, a child is already aware of their emotions and those around them, they are able to comprehend sophisticated concepts and they are at the most amazing time for cognitive change, so I do wish someone had enlightened me as I feel that would have allowed me to be more aware of what was happening in the country I was a citizen in.

I grew up very naïve to the race issues in South Afrika and felt that I was not affected in any way. Although I felt that i was not completely affected, the values of white supremacy existed in our culture. At that time, no one took the time to tell us our history, the proper immediate history, not the one which we were taught at schools, if that is a good thing or not? I do not have the answer to that; all I believe in is that history is important. 

After my high school years, I took some time doing what you may call, mission work, in 2002 I became part of a multiracial team and our mission was to spread the message of racial reconciliation and this is where I came face to face with the facts and truths of what had taken place in South Afrika.  I remember visiting the Hector Pieterson Memorial and the Apartheid Museum.  It was incredibly painful to come to the realisation that we have such a history in South Afrika.  I guess the message needed to be alive in us before we could preach it to others; our team consisted of every race represented in South Afrika.  We were very close as we definitely saw each other beyond the colour of our skin.   Wherever we went, people seemed to be disturbed by our "closeness".  I remember an incidence in Magaliesburg where I was leaning on my white Afrikaans colleague and a white Afrikaans man looked at us and shook his head disapproving of what was going on.  I dated an indian man at that time and we had a hard time showing our affection publicly.  

 

Slowly but surely, the reality of our past was dawning on me.  I guess many young South Afrikans, particularly the middle class get shielded like I was and  every race is portrayed as one until you hit the real big bad world.  I had me a rude awakening when I entered the working world.  The second company I worked for was made up of 98% whites; the 2% was made up of me, some coloureds and Indians.  I remember one person commenting on what pretty black person I am, at least I have a lighter skin tone than the average black person, another said I am a different “black”, I am the ok type of black only because I could articulate myself so well in English and the fact that I do not come from a poor background. It’s in this time where I saw the reality of racial lines in our Rainbow Nation.

One particular day, I was sitting with two of my white colleagues in the office and the office assistant’s boyfriend called in.  One of the colleagues made a very disturbing comment after the phone call. “I wonder why Elizabeth (not her real name) would date that boy; he sounds so DOF (stupid)”. I asked what makes her come to that conclusion since she didn’t have him on the phone for that long and she said and I quote “his tongue is so thick and he speaks so slowly”.  This was a clear indication that the more articulate you are in the English language the more intelligent you are perceived to be.

The point I am trying to make is that we can never reach the ideal non-racial state until the non-blacks deal with their subtle racial supremacy entitlement behaviour.  The fact that PW Botha refused to apologise for apartheid and De Klerk said in not so many words that apartheid was an experiment which did not work alone undermines the tragedies that took place during the apartheid years.  Maybe it is that fact that perpetuates the racial supremacy amongst my white counterparts.  I guess the same way blacks were enslaved mentally which got passed on from generation to generation applies to whites as well – just theirs was a superiority complex slavery – as Frantz Fanon puts it “The black man enslaved by his inferiority, the white man enslaved by his superiority alike behave in accordance with a neurotic orientation.”

In the words of Mandela “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.”  If you ask anyone globally which word is associated with Mandela? that word would be “forgiveness”.  Usually in life, when someone has done you harm, it is advisable to forgive them, but you cannot really forgive them until you have worked through that which they have done to you. Mandela worked through his emotions and came to a compromise with the apartheid government which led him to making the decision to forgive.  We can also assume that the contents of the negotiations led to Mandela being more forgiving towards the race that was known as the “oppressor” then.  My worry is that although Mandela made this decision on behalf of the country, who else had prepared their emotions or mind for this “transition”?  Was it ok to be oppressed today and then tomorrow smile with the very person who oppressed you without having to go through some sort of therapy?  Yes the TRC was put in place but I do not think that it was aimed at bringing healing to our nation; I think it would be worthwhile to read Reconciliation without Justice by Mahmood Mamdani (Issue 46, November/December 1996) and you will maybe understand why I stand by that notion.

A Russian Proverb says: “Injustice is like having an eye gouged out, but looking away is losing both eyes” , I am in no way advocating that war needed to be declared but sweeping the debris  into the drain and walking away will eventually clog the drain.  In my opinion, forgiveness did not take place, it was just a mere forced tolerance.

I recently had the awesome opportunity to watch the remake of Sarafina by the TUT University students which was played at the Soweto theatre, only this time Sarafina was played by a white girl. Sarafina is a musical by Mbongeni Ngema depicting students involved in the Soweto Riots, in opposition to apartheid. The scenes in the play definitely scratched some wounds as looking around the room, tears and sniffs were all over the place, particularly amongst the men.  I also happened to listen in on a conversation between people who were part of the struggle and experienced apartheid first hand and them relating their emotional state made me extremely sad.  You could literally smell their emotional septic wounds and see the pus coming out in the form of bitterness and resentment.  This is 19 years into freedom.  Whose duty was it to afford these individuals appropriate therapy to deal with the scourge of apartheid? Is that even possible?

 

3 Shades of Red

Gyneth Paltrow said it when she said: "Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin.  That, or a kick-ass red lipstick." Now if you know me, you will know that I enjoy a good striking shade of lipstick, otherwise known to me as "reclips" - you know, the one that stands out.  I love my reclips and I have been gifted with not so small pair of lips and many have said that reclips is not for those who are gifted in the lips department, wait - the worst myth of all time is that reclips does not work on darker skinned ladies.  Well then that is just too bad because no myth is going to stop me from using my reclips

The day I discovered reclips was the best day of my entire life.  I attended an Afrikan Diaspora conference in London in 2010 and I came across so mant beautiful dark toned ladies rocking serious red reclips and for me it was just the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.  I wondered why I had never given this a shot - but of course, we were always told that reclips is for the other people and not for us.  I remember not being able to contain myself at one seminar and I couldn't wait to hit the streets of London to get myself a lovely red reclips. 

I was fascinated by my new discovery which caused me to read up on everything reclips and how to rock the perfect shade.  In 2012, we hosted a Gorgeousity in Me event and Carol Moabelo was the lovely trusted Make Up expert who agreed to come and share some make up knowledge with the ladies and I will never forget this amazing piece of advise "daring and bold coloured reclips look good on everyone so don't be afraid to try it."



My lip care collection



I always say its important that you seek expert advise when purchasing make up, I am a serious MAC and REVLON fan and after a long time of experimenting, I have found the perfect shades that are always in my make up bag. 

I have 3 shades of lipstick and I use 2 types of lipgloss. The one lipgloss is for moisturising my lips before I apply my lipstick and the other one is for the days I do not put my lipsticks on.

From Left: Revlon Colourbust Lipstick - Fuschia, Revlon Colourbust Lipstick - Coral, MAC MATTE Lipstick - Ruby Woo and of course my moisturising lipgloss

  

Coral Revlon Lipstick for the GIM Makeover Shoot

 



Coral Revlon Lipstick with Lighting

It's very important that you know how and when to rock these amazing shades.  It's also important to remember if you are going to focus on your eyes - go easy with the lips especially since they are glossy, for the lipstick to stay longer, try putting on a layer of lipstick - put a tissue over your lips, tap with some loose powder and then put on another layer, do this 2-3 times and you will see that your lipstick will last longer

 

Fuschia Revlon Lipstick

 

If you have a killer smile - lipstick is your best friend



MAC - Ruby Woo MATTE lipstick













And finally, my favourite - The MAC MATTE lipstick - this I wear if I feel like making a statement.  I feel I can wear this colour even if I have made a huge statement with my eyes, it just works.  You can rock it anywhere and anyhow.

Olga wearing MATTE Ruby Woo and I am wearing Fuschia Revlon

 

What ever you do, make sure that you are comfortable in your own skin and that you love what you are wearing.  Lipstick is definitely a girl's best friend in my opinion.  Try out some colours and let me know how that goes.

#DearBlackMan

Well since it’s the season of open letters, I thought I would squeeze my letter with the rest and also say a few words. A lot is on my mind actually, so I won’t be able to write everything I want to say to you.  Maybe you will afford me a face to face opportunity to say everything, for now I will note a few thoughts down.

First and foremost I direct this letter to you Black Man, because Black is all I know and Black is what I experience on an on-going basis. This is my truth to you. It’s meant to tell you my truth.

Do you know the saying "once you go Black, you can't go back". Well, it's true. I as a Black Woman love you Black Man. Your peculiar ways, your presence, and the way you look after yourself - and oh my, let’s not forget your scent, whether it’s your natural scent or cologne, there is this special thing about you. Black Man you are beautiful and I am not scared to tell you that. I find you good looking, you make my eyes smile. I really don't think there is anything wrong with acknowledging your beauty. Politics have screwed up how we admire each other. When I say you are beautiful, I mean just that, you are beautiful. Please let's leave it at that. I do not want to sleep with you or become your wife when I declare how beautiful you are.

I am a firm believer in owning one’s life and taking responsibility for the life we live and not dwelling on blaming anyone for anything that happens in our lives, but I can't also not think about how violent masculinities are connected to our history. Because of this, I am almost compelled to understand your ways even if at times I do not agree with your methods. Black Women have also been subjected to a violent past and look at us, we try our best. It is not a secret that Africa at large has a fatherhood issue, that people in our generation have issues with their fathers. Rape is a huge crisis on our continent. Femicide in the hands of our beloveds is the dearth of women. This is sad Black Man. What is to be done?

But I will say this.  You Black man of this generation truly know how to love your seed despite the fact that maybe you have never heard the words "I love you" while growing up. Many say we cannot applaud a fish for swimming - but it is a big deal if the fish was deprogrammed to stop swimming and they learn how to swim despite the current narrative.  

I look at what society has done to try and define what it means being a woman and a man respectively. Society and 'norms' have screwed us up big time. We are conditioned to believe that women can be weak and men can't. I am allowed to be weak whenever I want to. I am allowed to fail in my career because to a certain extend I get told I can always marry a rich man, not that I agree with this but it’s the reality, whereas you Black man, the pressures you deal with as a boy child are hectic - expected to be strong no matter what happens in your life. Whether you were bullied or sexually abused you can’t tell anyone because how will people respond? You were not allowed to cry out because tears are a symbol of weakness.  So how did you deal with your issues? Did you bottle them up perhaps? Could this explain why most of you have hidden anger and rage? You see the thing is, patriarchy was bad for both the woman and the man. You must do your best to bust these myths about masculinities. There is no behaviour that makes you less or more manly. We must bust those myths at all cost. Patriarchy is an evil system meant to come between the woman and the man.

Lets tell the truth shall we? Society favours the man. That is the truth. Women are conditioned to live up a man's expectation and authority. But... Isn't it time you stopped with the defence and listened to us women? 

Yes we know that you hate being reminded of your shortcomings and we know you say you hate it when we 'nag'. Maybe we need to understand each other. 

I am almost done, stay with me...

I personally don't believe that you are a dog; I have met some of you who are just too awesome.  You Black Man, you who is faithful and a positive role model for society.  I once had you as a friend Black man and you told me that because of the fear of falling for me, you cannot be my friend, this was in order to remain faithful in your thoughts for the sake of your girlfriend then, who is now your wife.  I truly respect that, that is why I am adamant that you Black man are not as bad as they say you are.  I know that you represent us well and some of you are doing extraordinary things that Blacks were told could not do.  Your ability to translate and use your skill is mind blowing. 

I am truly not trying to undermine you or anything but in case you haven’t noticed the following, let me bring them to your attention.  If you look around, the world is very concerned about women and the girl child; I totally get that because of the past. To make things even, gender equality calls for women and girl children to be empowered. But I want to know what happens to the boy child while the girl child is being empowered? Doesn’t that also cause a little of inequality all over again? Many of you argue that programs are geared to make leaders out of the girl child and what about the boy child? My question back at you is "whose responsibility is that though?" - I hope you do not expect us women to mentor the boys. Take responsibility and do your bit.

Most of those who rape are men and if you talk to some of them, you realise that most of them suffered some form of abuse while growing up and they are merely manifesting what they didn’t deal with.  This brings me to my stand when it comes to anti-rape campaigns. I feel that we need to condition the minds of the young boys not to rape or hurt anyone, help them deal with their issues while young.  How does this get done? Through mentorship and boy child programs.  I find that because I grew up with boys, I connect better with boys and find it easier to mentor boy teenagers then I do female teenagers, but I face a whole lot of challenges, the problem is that there are just some areas where I could never fulfill the male role in a boy teenager.  One boy called me at 2am crying because he had just circumcised and he wanted me to come over to his house to check on him because he didn’t trust his mom enough.  As weird as this sounds - I do understand it because to him, I had played the father figure role. Where am I going with this? I am crying out that more mentorship programs be put in place.  More male orientated programs are needed.  Can I challenge you Black man to commit to mentoring at least 20 boys, if that can happen, I feel a lot would have been won. 

And lastly, the notion that we ladies are moved by the type of car you drive and your material possession is a short term one.  At the end of the day, we want to know what are you doing to dent the universe.

 Let me end it here for now – cheers

 Love @malebosays

*This has been edited to adapt to current feelings towards gender issues

Dudlu Ntombi!

Thabo Mbeki in his speech “I am an African”  said “ I am an African, I owe my being to the hills and the valleys, the mountains and the glades, the rivers, the deserts, the trees, the flowers, the seas and the ever-changing seasons that define the face of our native land.” In essence, you realise that God created us to be part of the Land that is native to us, so Afrika is a part of who I am, and not loving the Land I was born on, is in actual fact, not loving a part of me.  One could argue that colonisation and systems such as “apartheid in South Afrika” have had a devastating psychological impact on Afrikans, bringing about a culture of self-hate. 

In Joseph M. Nyasani, a philosophy professor’s work to define the “African Psyche”, he holds the perspective that the way Afrika was viewed under colonialism became one where Afrikan cultural traditions, beliefs and behaviours were regarded by Afrikans to be inferior when compared to non-African ways.  This led to self-loathing among Afrikans he said.  In fact, he believes and is confident that the worldview of most contemporary Afrikans was replaced by the European worldview to a point where you cannot tell a difference.  

I remember while growing up, a picture was painted that the West was the ultimate dream and this is what we had to attain.  We denied our cultures and called them barbaric.  Our accent was heavily influenced by the West and was often measured to determine our level of intelligence. The better and clearer your English was, the more intelligent you were seen to be. I remember not understanding why I had short course hair, oh how I could do anything to have long straight hair, I guess this is why some ladies opted to relax their hair and even today we see ladies who decide to wear weaves and never be seen without it.  I chose to learn German and Slovak over learning one or more of the native languages in South Afrika.  I could not speak my mother tongue fluently but I guess that was fine since I could speak English perfectly well.

I was afforded the opportunity at a very young age to travel across Europe and America and one of the questions I would get asked was where I was from, my answer was always “Johannesburg”, people would usually respond with “Oh, Johannesburg in Afrika” I would be heavily offended and make sure I stress the fact that I was from “Johannesburg” not “Afrika”.  I was sure that there was a difference, but my travels across Europe and America did more good than harm for my identity as an Afrikan.  Experiencing different countries in Europe I got exposed to the vast and diverse cultures.  Each country had a story to tell, everyone knew who they were and why they did things in a certain way.  North America was filled with so much diversity I was almost sad that I could not tell them a story, I did not know where I came from and who I was.  I could not relate how we do things back home and why we do things a certain way, this caused me to long for my land and I couldn’t wait to get back and experience it and most of all, find my identity within my land. 

Since then I have been on a journey to discovering Afrika in my context.  Just looking at South Afrika, the country God decided to situate me in, I realise what an amazing country this is.  The cultures within South Afrika are amazing, rich and diverse.  What an amazing achievement for a South Afrikan to speak at least 8 of the 11 official languages.  To understand the difference that lies within each of our cultures, to embrace each other, end tribalism and find harmony.  To stop viewing the cultures as outdated but rather realise that many of its values and norms can be instilled in modern

day society.  Although I have not fully attained this, I have to still break certain idiosyncrasies in my life but I know that what matters is that I have begun this journey of discovery.  I do not in any way look down on anything I do not consider Afrikan, but I do advocate for self-love and contentment.  We can only embrace others if we truly embrace ourselves first. 

One day I was walking in town and a zulu woman started serenading me. Auw Madoda - Only in Mzanzi!!!!

  

Dudlu ntombi!!
Nongena bhasikidi uyangen’ emakethe
Gegelagege ziyakugegela
Akukho ntombi yagana inyamazane sikhona
Nongena nkomo uyayidl’ inyama
Oseyishayile akakayosi
... Noseyosile akakayidli
Noseyidlil’ usedl’ icala

Kusho min’ uma Vilakazi UJili Umphephethe

Lead me not into dot dot dot

I have read many articles and books on leadership and many of them have helped me over the years in my journey, but a question always creeps up -“is leadership inherited or learnt?” or rather, “are Leaders born or are they made?” Many have debated and attempted to answer this question and I for one am not about to attempt to answer this question but I would like to play with some thought patterns I once had.  As a lover of Psychology, human behaviour fascinates me and through working with people from different background and observing their behaviour, I sometimes wonder if perhaps it’s our development stages that have the most impact on what type of leaders we become? If at all we become leaders, could this be the reason why some people seem to lead easier and become more successful than others faster? Could an individual’s upbringing and environment possibly have anything to do with shaping their character and traits such as confidence and reasoning capabilities? 

There is a quote by John B Watson , a psychologist who established the psychological school of behaviourism from his book Behaviourism, he said “Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I'll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select -- doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief and, yes, even beggar-man and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations, and race of his ancestors.”  Normally this quote is often quoted out of context and the last part of the sentence omitted which goes something like: “I am going beyond my facts and I admit it, but so have the advocates of the contrary and they have been doing it for many thousands of years.” Again I want to remind you that I was not attempting to answer this worldly debated question, but according to Watson, Learning (and therefore behaviour and personality) occurs through interactions between the individual & the environment. That people are born with a blank slate and develop their personalities through what happens to them.

I do believe however that whether a born Leader or not, each and every one of us has a responsibility towards self to become a great leader of self before becoming a leader of others.  It is quite amusing how I meet people who want to be in a position of leadership (and others who are already there) but have no clue on how to manage and lead their own lives.  How you deal with things around you is a sure reflection of how you deal with yourself.  If you mismanage yourself, you will end up mismanaging everything else around you.  There is a scripture in the Bible in the book of Proverbs 25:28 (NKJV) “Whoever has no rule over his OWN spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.”

Often people get stuck in the trap of mediocrity, a life where you just live without a mandate or purpose and you go about living with crossed fingers hoping that things will work out just fine. People should always be in a position to yearn for more out of life.  Mediocrity is accepting the below average standard, it is agreeing to what you are told to become without questioning and challenging, it is agreeing to allowing a situation to dictate the type of life you should be living.  The minute one understands that the past, unhealthy backgrounds and environment should not dictate your present and future, although they have had a big chunk of influence in how you are programmed, that’s the minute you are able to have complete control over your attitude and reaction towards life, it’s the minute you are able to counter the programme that has been operating in your life all along.

I have had the privilege of meeting some really successful and influential people in the world, those that others see as leaders, and those who are leaders in their own right.  Some I have met personally, some on social networks and some through books and media platforms.  It is evident that there is something which sets these people apart from the normal individual.  They don’t go wherever the music leads them; in fact, they create the beats which give life and flavour to the music.  So let me quickly explore and share some of these habits, traits, behaviours etc… that I have noted to be quite common in these amazing people.

Time and time again, we have been told if you believe it, you can have it, if you perceive it, it’s yours.  I am a believer of this philosophy, so much so that I have a 10 year autobiography of myself which I read often; I have positive confessions written all around me because I believe what I constantly meditate on will determine again, my attitude and reaction towards life.  Most believe in this and have coined this positive attitude but I find that most people just end there; but in reality it doesn’t end there at all. It is not enough to just believe and confess.  The Bible says that faith without works is dead, you have to align your actions with the faith that you possess.  I cannot constantly confess a leaner healthier me while eating fatty fast foods and chocolate daily.  I can stand on the mountain top and shout every morning “I am leaner and healthier” but because what I want to become and my actions are not congruent, I will never achieve my confessions without putting in the work.

So as much as confessions are fabulous, you need to back it up with work.  You cannot achieve that Cum Laude without putting in the hours.  You cannot build a successful business if all you do is sleep and play on your smart phone. These amazing people work for their keep and they can back it up.

These amazing people understand that for them to make it through each day, they have to wake up, show up and work up.  They have resolved it in their minds what it is they really want out of life and they have understood and accepted that it will take a lot of work to achieve everything they set out for themselves.  Often people make excuses for their laziness.  They will owe their failures to attaining what they set out to achieve to hard times, to the government, to factors around them but at the end of the day, it is just plain laziness and the unwillingness to put in the work.  I find that when I do not do well on a paper or exam, it’s easier for me to blame it on the lecture or my brain capacity whereas truthfully, if I do an introspection, I often find that I was just too lazy to put in the required effort to do well in that paper or exam. 

So you have to define what you want out of this life, find the balance and what will work for you in order to manage your life effectively.  The following virtues are the things which I have discovered works for me in my life in order to be an amazing Leader to myself. 

Keeping spiritually fit

I recognise that I am a spiritual being and that how I take care of my spiritual being often overflows on the external being.  I wake up early every morning and give myself at least an hour head start in my day.  In this hour, I have what I call my “power hour” – this is the hour I use to connect to my God, to read the Bible, journal, pray and meditate.  This helps me focus and stimulates me to literally CONQUER each day.  It also helps me remain diligent and consistent in my dealings each day. I believe that God is my Creator and that He is my Source and therefore I will constantly lean on Him for nourishment each and every second of my life.

Authenticity

I have learnt over time that the best person to be in this walk of life is to be myself.  I cannot live another’s life or present a picture of what I am expected to be.  Walking in truth is very important.  I understand that I have weaknesses and flaws.  I allow Grace to help me work those flaws to become a better person.  I do not hide those flaws, for if I hide them, they will catch up with me and when that happens, I am in serious danger of compromising my integrity as a human being. Being Authentic as a philosophy is being true to your own personality, spirit, character despite what is happening around you.

Humility

I constantly pray and yearn to walk in humility always.  Society has built a life around titles and achievements.  If you do not have this around you, it seems your value as a person decreases.  The art of being humble has nothing to do with being timid or modest.  It is actually the highest attribute of a leader.  Humility is virtue, appreciating that you are a gift to earth and that you will use that gift to serve others neither for praise nor headlines but because you genuinely appreciate them and their worth.  Pride will lead to the fall but humility will keep you grounded. I believe when you are humble, you are able to look within self, understand self and are open to deal with your weaknesses and flaws.

A vision without a plan is a hopeless wish

While having vision for your life is great, if you do not have a blueprint on how to execute that plan, then you are just dreaming.  Architects see their structures in their head before producing the blue print.  Designers see their garments before drawing them down.  This assists in getting the final product ready because without knowing what you are trying to achieve, taking the steps to achieve “whatever” will lead to a fumble.  This is true for people who capture the day without any solid hope or plan.  They go with the wind, they live to be surprised.  Although this is fabulous and adventurous, it is not sustainable.  This is why vision and action boards are fun things to do.

Excellence

Most people who know me know that I hate mediocrity.  I hate being normal and I don’t subscribe to the status quo.  “Just nje” is JUST not good enough (I have no explanation for just nje, but it is literally translated to “Oh well”).  We need to aspire for excellence in everything we do.  Everyone can be normal and do the average, but it takes excellence to set you apart.  Excellence is attained through habit building (practise makes perfect) “We are what we repeatedly do” – Aristotle.  Excellence is attained through smart work, lots of reading and education (formal and informal)

These are virtues which I constantly work on in my life which renders me a better Leader to myself. I find when I can lead myself effectively, then I can lead others effectively too.