Is Falling in Love for me?

Ok, I must confess that my heading is a bit of a click bait since I won't really be discussing falling in love in that instance. But just to indulge you, I am more of a rising in love kinda person. I can even settle for walking in love. Better yet, how about we dance in love? Ok so what is the purpose of this blogpost? Let me get to it then.

I have never hidden my views when it comes to patriarchy and nuclear family structures. I'm always amused at how regardless of my standing, most men who pursue me are set in their misogynistic ways. Take Guy X for example. He has been pursuing me since 2012 and his misogynoir literally sends sharp pains to my womb. He criticises me at every chance he gets and goes on and on about what an angry Black woman I am (he's short on saying how ugly I am). One would say he despises me yet he claims to be madly in love and tells me how I'm the only woman who can fulfill the duty of his manhood. I'm sure this is just a case of "I've tamed the lioness therefore my manhood has been affirmed". I can't imagine what else this dissonance could be. Say we hook up? When will he enjoy me? I mean - will his life be about trying to tame me? ‪#‎RollsEyes...

I'm a commitmentphobe and stay away from organised romantic relationships (by choice). But contrary to popular belief, I am actually a hopeless romantic. I am a contact and relational person in all my relationships (family, friends etc.). I am a healer and nurturer and have a big heart of forgiveness (nxxxxxx). I am fun and adventurous and hooking up with me will be an experience of a lifetime (👀). Although this does not render me an expert in relationship what what - I would like to offer an opinion under the Appendix of Free Speech in our Land.

When two folks are involved romantically. In my case - a man and a woman. I do wish we would stop defining the love in terms of gender roles. Gender roles almost translate to what the next person can do for you and how much you need them in your life to perform these roles. I would imagine rather, it being about who you are as an individual and just wanting to be with a certain individual because of who they are as well. Enjoying one another's company and making a decision to journey together to an agreed destination.
One day I was changing my tyre on the side of the road when a man stopped to help me. I told him i was almost done and in shock he reacted "women want to be men these days. I truly wonder what my role is in your life as it seems like you don't need me"
I guess that's the problem right there.
Roles make us want to be needed. The role creates a certain level of control. This can translate into abuse if one does not fulfill their "role". So you feel you are the breadwinner in the house because you are a man and that's your role. The day your means to bring in the bread gets cut off, how do you continue fulfilling this role? Abuse becomes inevitable in this case due to the insecurities of not being able to fulfill your role.

"Hey hon, today I feel like cooking. But yesterday I didn't. Wanna help me?"
"Why not. Tomorrow I feel like making steak for my baby."
"Ncooooo my darling"

Vs 

"I work all day and I come home and all I want is my woman to welcome me with sweet aromas of a home cooked meal"
"I work too - in fact, I just got here 5 min ago"
"Women of today. Don't be surprised when someone comes and cooks for me. Clearly you have forgotten your role in this house"
"Faints*"

This head and neck analogy screws us over big time you know. Why can't we just be us - we figure out how to exist together and just do us.

Oh and bbz - before I finish. This notion of a man being a babysitter to his children must stop. You will find him at the mall with three of HIS kids and people around will be like:

"Ncaaaaw look at him, he's such a great father. How does he do it? How does he manage to look after all three of his kids at the same time"

Him:" I just thought I'd give the mother of my kids a break today you know. She works hard. I'm on babysitting duty today"

Come on... Plz (Zuma eye roll)

Giving her a break? No one gave the other a break during the merging of the sperm to the egg right? 👀
Basically - this role thing is so dodge though.

So do we relate like fire? Are we sapiosexuals? Would you read to me ‪#‎ReadToBae? Do our ideals, politics, spirituality dot dot dot align? Are you about economic, social, political, mental freedom? Do you accept my darkness as much as you love my light? Are you about ‪#‎Blackness? Like can you handle this lioness (and importantly can you handle V-Empress)? Ok cool - then I'm in