Buck the Norm

*This article first appeared in the February 2015 edition of Destiny Magazine 

 

“Well behaved women seldom make history” –Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

We are living in a society which has constructed many rules for how we should live. We're taught that in order to fit, we must assimilate - or risk being cast out. People usually take longer to accept those who stand out and remain true to themselves. That's why Laurel Thatcher Ulrich's quotation above has been life-altering for me.

All of my life, I've been surrounded by people telling me how to conduct myself in every area of my existence - and what it means to be a prim and proper lady. They've prescribed every facet of my behaviour for me: how I should talk, dress, conduct myself and keep to my place. 

When heeded, these voices can be extremely limiting. They coach you to become an ordinary person who'll only ever achieve ordinary things in your life. They don't encourage little girls to dream beyond their environment and background; instead, they tell them that it's better not to dream or follow their desires. 

I believe that 20 years into democracy in SA, we women have an amazing opportunity to carry the mantle of our mothers and grandmothers who defied what was "normal".  Let's not forget the women who were instrumental in spearheading women's liberation in our country. Had they been "well-behaved" women, according to society's standards, we'd never have made such great strides in the march towards gender equality.

The race hasn't stopped and it's now up to us to carry that mantle with courage and boldness, daring to be different. We have a right to dream, knowing that nothing can come between who we are and what we're capable of contributing to our country, our continent and to the world.

Today we all have the opportunity to become the best version of ourselves: women who aren't merely satisfied with the status quo, but are driven and passionate about denting the universe in a positive and history-making manner.  

For Ulrich, "not behaving" means not being satisfied with what's prescribed as “normal" behaviour for a woman. For years I was stuck in an environment that was not conducive to who I was. Day in and day out, I smiled at outsiders; many would complement me and say I'd reached the peak of my success. But it certainly doesn't feel as if you've reached the pinnacle when you're in the doldrums. 

I made a decision that would be life-altering. I left my job and dedicated my time to doing what fulfils me. I occasionally contribute to the development of learners with the Gauteng Department of Education and I also started a mentorship organisation for women called Lady Leader, comprised of graduates, professionals, academics, community developers and entrepreneurs. We assist in the all-round development of women and also promote mentorship for teenagers.

I can now go to bed each night knowing that I've authored a new page in my life and that this story will, indeed, make history.

@malebosays

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