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| Book picture taken from men-care.org |
I have an engineering friend who was recently involved in a
project where they taught young boys how to make those wired models. He relates how everyone marvelled at his
skill and how beautifully his models turned out with no visible flaw. He also said that those who were marvelling at
this skill immediately credited his craft to his education and line of
work. Though many people would link his
skill to his work, he argues that it was in fact his father who taught him the
skill, that his father paid attention to detail and was good with his hands. He says the very reason he is so good at his
line of work is because of what his father instilled in him. The conversation between him and I left me
extremely curious in two parts. The
first part has to do with the link between Afrikan education and the Western
form of education. The second part was
on the subject of Fatherhood in Afrika.
Today I will be thinking briefly on the fatherhood subject.
A lot has happened on this beautiful continent of ours and
that has played a big role in how the identity of the father has changed over
time. I once read a book which I cannot remember the authors, but it was on
family studies and the authors revealed that the perception of fathers in
Afrika, fall more on the negative side than on the positive side. This is perfectly understandable given our
history and the role of the man. On the one hand we are dealing with an identity
that has been stripped of its proper position and on the other we are dealing
with idiosyncrasies that perpetuate patriarchy in all its form. We need to bring Fatherhood back to its
rightful place.
I am of the belief that we are living amongst some amazing
fathers in our societies and that their stories are not told because of the
general discourse around gender roles in our country. It is time that we told those stories so that
these fathers could provide a challenge to those who are not coming to the
party. It is a challenge that all South
Afrikans must tackle.
I want to share a story before I end and link it up with the
story in my introduction. I have an
extremely intelligent younger brother. He is aged approximately 14 years
old. He is articulate in his thoughts and
reads a lot of literature and newspapers to keep himself well informed. One day he and I while waiting at a queue for
food were having a conversation around the UN and the young people’s plight of
unemployment in South Africa. He was
sharing his recent findings and thoughts.
The person behind us was so impressed by him and asked which school he
attended. This particular person’s
initial assumptions was that my brother learned
all that he knows from him attending this particular school. Although I agree
that the school plays a huge role in stimulating his mind, my father had and
still has a bigger role to play. I
believe that everything starts in the home.
My father is an avid reader and that was our culture while growing
up. Books were all around us. In the name of heroism, my brother saw my
father as his hero and would imitate everything my father did. Before my brother could read, he would be
sitting with my father in the lounge with his legs crossed and the newspaper
spread across his face while whistling.
This was cute. As times went by,
this became a ritual for them, my brother would have a book and he would be
sitting next to my dad who also had a book and they would be whistling away and
then every so often they would be exchanging some odd words between each
other. We never quite understood their
relationship. Over time, what initially
started as imitation became interest and hence my brother’s love for
words. My father is brilliant on the
stage and constructs his sentences so well that he always keaves his audience
blown away, maybe I am exaggerating a little bit but guess what? My baby
brother is an amazing natural speaker who literally blew all of us away when he
gave a keynote at my other younger brother’s wedding. Shy and hidden in books but alive and kicking
on stage. Amazing things are made of the small little treasures we do not pay
attention to.
I believe that the cycle of children who grow up with absent
(in body and in spirit) fathers will end in our country and that we will all
rally together to create a beautiful conversation as far as Fatherhood is
concerned.
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