Too expensive

Here I am, it is the last day of 2013 and I am still in one piece.  It has been exactly two years and two months since I left my corporate job.   Many are still watching in amazement as if they are waiting for me to surrender this crazy feat that I undertook.  Things just do not get done like that, there are systems in place and a formula that one must follow in order to be called a human being.  As a lady in her late twenties, with a well-paying corporate job that allows her freedom to determine her own working hours and gives her travel opportunities on end, you just don’t up and leave your job to follow this invisible thing called purpose.

A few years ago I was on a flight and I sat next to a white gentleman who seemed to be in his fifties.  He was flustered and as red as a cherry (I saw you asking what the point of me mentioning his race was).  I could see his sweat creeping out of his hair and racing down all the way to his collar.  He loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top button of his collar as he released a huge sigh. I normally do not like to engage anyone when I am flying, for moments to myself are quite rare, but I could not help asking if he was ok.  He looked at me and with a heavy Afrikaans accent responded ‘listen here; always make sure that you give 100%’.  I remember going into the office having that statement haunt me every time I performed a task, I always asked myself if I was truly giving a 100%.  Sadly I realised I was far from that.  It is such moments in life which have led to me resigning from my job and taking the step to walk on water.   I realised that doing things just below average was too expensive and it was costing me a lot.  It was sure costing me my 100%.  There is a saying that goes: if you hate where you are in life, change it. 

Everyone who is in control of their lives deserve to live out their purpose, otherwise it is all a waste of a precious soul if one does not.  Who and what does it benefit for one to brace the earth and never love their life?  I do understand how scary it is to pursue purpose, sometimes pursuing purpose can be like searching for black ants in a dark hole, but hey, it feels really awesome when you find those ants.  Nothing can be more fulfilling to know that you wiped some sweat off your brow because you were doing what you actually love.  When you do what you love in life, you automatically give 100%.  This purpose seeking is not an easy journey for everyone, and many people do not know where to begin.  That is because people are under the impression that for one to be living their best life, they need to resign from their job.  Well ideally that is the route to desire but it is not that easy for most people.  Especially taking into consideration the history we have on our continent.  Many people find themselves as breadwinners and so the option of leaving a job is inviting some serious worry and unnecessary stress in their lives.  

There is an ancient proverb that says that a trunk is never too heavy for the elephant, as well as a scripture that says that God can never give you a load that you cannot handle, but honestly, some loads we carry even when they do not have our names on them, the beauty of God is that He makes it alright with you.  Your situation is not too difficult for you to handle, and so you too can have an opportunity to dip your finger in the pool of purpose.  The most important thing to discover is that you need to know what your purpose is and make plans to live your purpose out whether you stay or leave your job.  How does your employment stop you from getting those piano lessons? How does your job halt you from becoming that dancer? When did your job become an obstruction to you starting a community centre? It just doesn’t make sense how we always find one thing to blame so that we do not take responsibility for robbing ourselves from living out purpose.   

You can gradually build up your dream while you are working so that when or if you decide to leave, at least the ants are not black but red. 2014 is around the corner and if there is one thing you should resolve, it is to start giving 100%.  Imagine yourself at age fifty flying to Johannesburg sitting next to a young twenty something lady/gentleman. Which space would you be in at that moment?  Do you like what you are imagining?

This year February we buried someone very close to my heart.  This person was an extremely talented individual who I would like to believe lived life as he saw fit.  I remember his words when we were at another friend’s funeral years prior, when he remarked that the friend’s life had challenged him to live life to the fullest.  On the 24^th December I lost another dear friend who also gave 100% of himself.  His life was a true inspiration.  I heard somewhere that the Greeks never wrote obituaries when someone died, they asked a question: ‘Did he/she have passion?’

I’m two years two month into my #WalkingOnWater experience and I have travelled all over Afrika.  I have discovered more than I thought I possess.  I have met people I only dreamt of.  I have spoken to so many audiences; I have been interviewed by magazines, newspapers, and radio and been on international screens. I have been offered so many business deals. I have been favoured by people who I’m a groupie of.   I have been kissed by a crush and have had a Ben10 fall in love with me.  I have attended amazing events and even gained 20 kilos.  I have had the opportunity to engage with South Afrika’s president and a member of a serious monarch.  I started learning a new language and discovered a gift I never knew I had. My biggest highlight was blowing the socks off some Academics when I was invited to present to them.  The look on their faces while I was digging into my soul will forever set precedence for my Academic journey.

Two years and two months later, God is still keeping me afloat as I #WalkOnWater.  Please let 2014 be the beginning of something mind blowing in your life; do not continue accumulating debt because you are robbing yourself off life.  Life should be filled with Love, faith, truth and a whole lot of FUN!!!

See you in 2014

@malebosays

God, save me from your followers!

“A volcano is an opening in the surface of the Earth which allows hot lava, volcanic ash and gases to escape from the magma chambers below the surface.  When pressure builds up, eruption occurs, I think something has built up in me as far as today’s post is concerned and I am about to erupt. When it comes to matters of dogma and doctrine, I usually hold my piece and never get into debates.  I am, to say the least, disturbed at how Christianity is reflected of late. I grew up in the church all my life, it is all I know – I served in the church – if you are a Pastor’s kid, you know that you flow church blood within you, I have been involved in all forms of ministry and have worked with hundreds of churches from different denominations around the globe. 

I have to say that my siblings and I were very fortunate in a sense that we didn’t see much of a difference from the parents at home and the parents at church, my parents lived as they said. Love was ministered to us in a way that even if we didn’t see it we would be able to find evidence of it should we go back in time. This, in my opinion should be what Christians strive to achieve in their walk with Christ – reflecting God’s WORD in their lives. 

I have never been a religious person, maybe it’s because of the mission work I used to be a part of,  in mission work, one’s duty is to resemble God in everything you do, one value that was always stressed was to preach the Gospel at all times but only use words when necessary – we traveled around the world and would sometimes go for months without attending a church service that we were comfortable with, sometimes we would not attend any church service at all, so we had to find Jesus within ourselves to keep us spiritually sharp with no dependency on any external authority figure or institution.  We understood we were representing our Abba Father and we could not afford to misrepresent Him so we had to check ourselves first because we knew that this was a lifestyle and not some set of rules and regulations, for if it were a set of rules and regulations then I am convinced we would have not made it out spiritually alive. Love, compassion, grace and mercy were the order of the day.

This for me is key in laying foundations in this walk with God.  Looking around in present day, it almost seems like some Christians have morphed Christianity into a cult of some sort (A cult is defined as a religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader). I totally cannot identify with this breed of Christians, let me break it down to you.

I am very careful to note that I am speaking about “some Christians´ because I cannot claim to have met all Christians and I have also met Christians who are truly God’s agents on earth (such as my parents).  It was Ghandi who said “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians, and they are so unlike Christ.” If you are a Christian, you have heard that statement one times too many. What is going on? Some Christians are so stuck on the self-righteous/serving religion that they do not see the harm they are doing for the Kingdom – it’s as if they are on earth to serve themselves? Romans 10:15 says “how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news/tidings”.  It’s clear that Paul says that when people have an encounter with Christ followers, they must really appreciate the encounter and not feel condemned and ostracised.
 The ‘me, me, me, all about me’ gospel must come under review, “my finances, my house, my my my…forgetting that the Kingdom and all its righteousness is what needs to be sought by Christ followers, that statement is so loaded and if understood properly, could really help many people.  It’s totally simple "this thing", I do not need to manipulate, blackmail, hold at ransom for people to follow what I follow, if it speaks to their soul, then they will yearn and hunger for what I possess and that can only be done through living out the WORD of God.

I have heard many explanations from Christians why Ghandi and many others after him say what they say about Christians, and my favourite has to be when people misquote “If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you…. If they persecuted Me they will persecute you… for they do not know the One who sent Me.” John 15:19-21, this for me is an excuse for some Christians to justify their terrible misrepresentation of Christ on earth. 

Jesus Christ was always patient, full of love, grace and compassion to those who fell short, he never once condemned or judged them. However, Jesus did rebuke a certain group of people, Matthew 23:13-23 highlights the seven woes Jesus lashed out at the Pharisees to a point of calling them blind fools and venomous snakes.

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to. “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are. “Woe to you, blind guides! You say, ‘If anyone swears by the temple, it means nothing; but anyone who swears by the gold of the temple is bound by that oath.’  You blind fools! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred? You also say, ‘If anyone swears by the altar, it means nothing; but anyone who swears by the gift on the altar is bound by that oath.’ You blind men! Which is greater: the gift, or the altar that makes the gift sacred? Therefore, anyone who swears by the altar swears by it and by everything on it.  And anyone who swears by the temple swears by it and by the one who dwells in it. And anyone who swears by heaven swears by God’s throne and by the one who sits on it. “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.  You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel. “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.  In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous. And you say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our ancestors, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.’ So you testify against yourselves that you are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets.  Go ahead, then, and complete what your ancestors started! “You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell?

Some Christians truly behave like they are Pharisees.  When I did the research work at some correctional services, some inmates would say it’s all good and well that they hunger for Christ when they are behind bars, but the minute they are released and want to join a church, it becomes very tough for them to be accepted.  One lady who is a prostitute related how she was desperate for a touch from God that she ran to the first church she saw, she said she had just come from working and instead of a tender touch, the church ushers and protocols were more concerned about her dress code telling her that it is not acceptable to come to church dressed like that. A young lady who has had an abortion cannot seek out help from the church because she gets condemned outright and thus keeps it in and slowly dies inside. Some Christians cannot associate with non-Christians (and please do not quote “do not be unequally yoked, because that is not what that scripture means).  One Scientist told me that sometimes he mistakes some non-Christians for Christians because they model what Christians should model.

Nothing reflects the nature of God like the book of Hosea –please take your time to read the story here

I am not saying we should excuse anything here, what I am simply asking is how would Jesus react to situations we react harshly to? I pray that we become agents of Love, peace, righteousness, humility, authenticity etc…– may we resemble the true God who showed his redemptive love through Hosea. That is the extent of the love of this God that we are serving.

I promise...

Negativity - arghhhhh- it is a force which is never welcome in my life and one of the ways I have managed to deal with negativity is to create a negativity jar.  I have had to reintroduce the negativity jar back into my life because I realised that negativity was creeping back into my life - I then involved the Lady Leaders and we are doing this together.  For every negative thought, you insert R10 into a jar and wait until the end of the month to count your collection.  The aim is to try best not to increase the value in the jar.  With this negativity monitoring I realised that I was a tad little unloyal to myself so I have had to renew promises I had made to myself and I thought I should share them with you - please feel free to write up your own if you feel the need!

I Malebo Gololo promise myself today to continue #WalkingOnWater - remembering the call my LORD made to me to sacrifice modern day slavery for purpose.

I promise to continue #LivingOutLove irrespective of the situation around me, if I cannot do anything out of love then I might as well not do it at all.

I promise to continue loving myself more and not entertain the notion that I have to be a specific way in order to be loved, if I love myself first - then I will lead a more content life.

I promise to take care of myself - I will not choose work over sleep, I will not choose comfort eating over a healthy lifestyle and I definitely will never choose sleep over exercise

I pledge to smell the air and flowers around me for they remind me of the LOVE that my LORD has for me

I promise to accept the mistakes I have made and not dwell on regret, I accept who I am and who I am not, I undertake to work towards who I want to be

I promise that I will not second guess myself or entertain these voices that want to convince me that I am not worthy, I remember who I am and whose I am and that truth silences these voices

I promise not to be too hard on myself, even if people around me are hard on me, I will have my back and make sure that I do not break down because of hard criticism

I promise to take criticism for growth and not a tool to injure me, I will treat criticism like walking into a clothing store, when trying on a jacket - I will buy it if it fits and take it off if it does not

I promise to take care of my spirit, soul and body and will not ignore myself in the name of being a busy bee

I promise not to harp on voices that want to remind me that I was raped, I focus on the word "was" and realise that it was not about me but it was about the rapist, unfortunately I had to be the object that suffered his insecurities

I promise to be the ideal friend and girlfriend, I will give love and not become needy

I promise to accept every individual for who they are and not for who I want them to be

I promise not to be that sensitive and I also promise not to take too much offense 

I promise to be authentic to myself and others and speak the truth at all times. I also promise to accept the truth as much as I dish it out

I promise to try not be in control of so much, I promise to allow myself to fail and not fear failure. I promise to deal with my insecurities which informs this need to control

I promise to honour my parents

I promise to live with a heart of gratitude

I promise to seek contentment and not harbour any issues within

I promise to do what is right even in the midst of controversy.  I promise to uphold what I think is right for me, my friends, family and country

I promise to discover the power vested in me and use it carefully, discovering that I am no ordinary being so my gifts are extraordinary and do not belong to me alone

I promise never to sell my soul for a piece of silver but to always pursue my mandate - realising that I was made for such a time as this and if it means perishing for my mandate, then I will perish but my soul is not for sale





I promise to own a bucket list and make sure that I tick the list as I experience this life filled with adventure

I promise never to be a Afrikan sell out - I will always uphold my soil that defines me

I promise to try out whatever it is that I want to try out - but I will be safe while doing it

I promise not to allow any man have my heart as my heart belongs to GOD - I promise to seek true companionship and not sell myself out because of "falling in love"

I promise to enjoy every second bestowed upon me

I promise to be loyal to myself and stick to my promises

I promise to have fun and live like my life is Diamond

I know I am a woman of virtue and worth and I will not take that for granted, I will have a healthy relationship with myself : spirit, soul and body and will never sell myself out

I stopped aging when I was 16

When I discovered self-love, my world took a complete turn.  It is amazing how self-image issues can literally mess you up.  self-image issues have the ability to lie to you and make you believe that you can never ever live your best life.  I remember once upon a time where I had issues with the person I was on the outside, and funny enough, I hear and I am an advocate of inner beauty but someway somehow, if you still have issues with your outside, it will in turn affect the way you view yourself within.  So it seem like its a reciprocal relationship, one cannot survive without the other, you constantly need to make sure that you are working both angles simultaneously and keeping a balanced angle or one will suffer because of the other. Its almost like this phenomenon or craze that has taken over the world of "feminism" - where people think that patriarchy only damaged females so they only focus on the female species to bring about gender equality, meanwhile no matter how much you fix the female, its an injustice to leave the male out as it makes for an unequal equation (mmmm...I must remember to blog about this)

My issues have been mainly around my body image.  It is so intriguing that even at my skinniest, I have always believed that I am obese.  Going through the yesteryear pictures have brought some solace into mine soul. Today when I look at myself in the mirror, I see the person who is looking at it with no imaginary flaws. I see what I am and yes, I may not be where I want to be physically, but I have taken ownership of my life and love myself wholeheartedly. If I feed this oral fixation issue of mine, then I will remain just a little bit overweight. If I do what I have to do (exercise, eat healthy, live a fun life) then I will get where I want to get physically.  But its clear from these pictures that I stopped aging at age 16, I guess for now; I just mature with the years.

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”
― Sophia Loren

My sword - My burden

Reminiscing and pondering on the words of my grandfather.  He once told me that if something burdens me in society, part of my calling is to find the solution.  My heart is burdened with many issues that exist on this glorious continent of my being.  How then do I fight?

As my heart beats to my dream

A dream displaced from my heart

Insecurity ruling my soul

My war has a story

How then shall I tell it? 

How then shall I fight it?

This passion from deep within

Erupting with an over flow

To the beat of my heart

Running swiftly from my veins

When do I see it?

When do I hear it?

When do I feel it?

This dream displaced from my heart

What once was is now is

Far from my reach 

Close for my distance

It is what it is

A dream hope for

A dream chased

A dream to be attained

Copyright 2013 Malebo. All rights reserved.

Black Beauty Puzzle - The white wedding gown

Every young girl's dream

It is without a doubt that our background and environment has a huge role to play in how we turn out as adults.  This role shapes most of our perceptions and decision making.  Growing up as a girl child, three things were almost always on my mind; my body, my matric dance dress and my wedding dress.  I had my matric dance dress designed at the back of my Bible when I was at the tender age of 13 and had my wedding dress designed when I was 18, of course my wedding dress design changed with time, but one thing kept it constant, it was the fact that it was white.  The only exposure I had as a young one to a wedding was that of my uncle and aunt.  I was on both occasions, a "strooimeisi" (bridesmaid).  My aunt got married in her Sunday best two-piece and changed later into a beautiful traditional outfit while my uncle's bride got married in a white wedding gown and also changed later into a beautiful Sepedi traditional outfit.  I thoroughly enjoyed these weddings, both went over two days, the first day at the bride's place and the second day at the groom's.  My highlight has to be the marching and dancing up and down the streets to the joyful melodies of the brass band. Ahhhh, what a treat.

In 2003, I attended a friend's wedding in Germany and it was very different.  We attended the church ceremony which was followed by a reception.  The reception was rather interesting, very creative program with loads of sketches and comedies.  It was a treat because I was appreciating a different type of wedding. In 2005 I attended another wedding in New York and I was not moved in any way other than the fact that a good friend was getting married,  we attended the ceremony at a church and then went to a hotel for the reception, the program was filled with speeches and we had loads of food to eat.  I did not have the inspiration to write home and tell them about this wedding.  Then the time arrived where I was at the age where it was appropriate for marriage which meant that everyone around me was getting married and I was flooded with wedding invitations.  You can imagine how shattered I was when I discovered that my friends and acquaintances' weddings mirrored what I had experienced in New York.  Where was the dancing? where was the colourful traditional regalia? I was beyond shattered.

I cannot dispute the fact that my friends were gorgeous in their white dresses but I am of the opinion that not as gorgeous as they would have been in their traditional outfits.  On one or two occasions I would have the pleasure of attending a traditional wedding, but this was never seen as a "real" wedding, I guess that is why, more often than not, most traditional weddings are followed by the main wedding which is the "white wedding".  In my adulthood I find that when I do something, I have to fully understand it, and this has frustrated many people because we live in a culture where most people do not question things and do because it's always been done like that.  When you are a person who questions, seeking understanding, you are usually labelled as a "know it all". I went out to find out for myself where this "notorious" tradition of the white wedding gown comes from.

Historically, weddings during the middle ages always symbolised a union between two parties.  Mostly between businesses or countries.  This was more of a political symbol than that of love and it was practiced amongst the elites.  Brides had to dress in a manner befitting to their family's social status.  If you were from a wealthy family, you would wear rich colours and exclusive fabrics.  If you were from a more poor family, you would wear your Sunday best.  Red was the more popular colour for weddings during that era.

The white wedding gown was made popular in 1840, after the marriage of Queen Victoria to Prince Albert.  Victoria wore a white wedding gown because she wanted to incorporate some lace she loved.  After her wedding, many brides copied this and made white the colour of choice for their weddings.  

In 1981, Prince Charles married Diana where she wore a white taffeta dress with a long train; this wedding was viewed by at least one out of six people around the world. This wedding has been recorded as the most influential wedding of the 20th century.  Many people assume that the colour white originally symbolised purity and virginity, but it was the colour blue which symbolised purity and faithfulness. Typical Western wedding ceremonies include going to church for the exchange of vows(which are nowhere to be found in the Bible by the way) and then attending a reception where people give speeches and eat.

Day 1 of wedding - traditional outfit

My best friend Shweshwe recently had a white wedding after years of being married to her husband.  She had married quietly at church with her nice Sunday outfit followed by  "lunch" with a handful of friends and family members.  Years later she was haunted by the fact that she had never had a "proper" white wedding celebration and so we set out to plan the wedding of her dreams.  She insisted on a white gown as you cannot complete a wedding without the white gown. Her wedding happened in Rustenburg over two days, almost reminding me of my uncle and aunt's wedding as we marched and danced in the dusty streets of the bride and groom's villages.  I was the maid of honour this time around and I love the fact that we got to change into traditional outfits.  This was awesome as we danced to the sounds of the brass brands, I was literally the last person dancing to their tunes, well myself and those drunk aunties and uncles. What a treat.

Shwe in her white dress

Shwe in a traditional SeTswana outfit

Shwe in a Modern traditional wedding dress

My brother got married to one of the most beautiful ladies I know.  My brother had the luxury of having three different types of weddings.  He had what we deem the "Gololo tradition" wedding (church the entire day with loads of WORD and prayer) and then a celebration at the Bride's home where people are served with food and lots of music to dance to.  The second wedding was the Western White wedding and then the third was so that we could enjoy marching and dancing down the street with a brass band.  The tears that overwhelmed me when I saw her dancing was just too emotional to recollect, never had I seen her so beautiful, this reaction was priceless.  I would expect the same reaction when I saw her in her white wedding gown, well, I did shed a tear or two but it was the fact that I could not walk my brother down the isle due to my own "dress" issues.  Although she was extremely beautiful, I think she was most gorgeous when she had the traditional outfit on.

celebrations

My brother, me and the Bride

We have to dance, don't take that away

The Brass band to make us happy

Makoti (Bride) getting down

All my friends and sisters' wedding gowns are safely packed somewhere and never to be worn again, well they hope that one day they will get to wear the gown again.  I honestly do not understand the logic of spending so much money on a gown and never wearing it again.  At least Victoria who set this trend, had her gown altered after the wedding so that she can wear it again.

I do understand that we all have a choice in how we carry out our lives.  Post-colonialism altered and discredited many of Afrika's true heritage.  19 years into democracy and we are embracing diversity and multiculturalism. Although this is "good" as an image. I can't help asking the question: why is that the effort to adopt different cultures into our lives always comes from mostly Black Afrikans, but the rest of the demographic, well most of them, hardly make an effort to learn about South Afrika's native history let alone learn the different traditions and languages?  I have a Caucasian friend who says he is just too old to learn any of the other 10 South Afrikan official languages (he speaks English and Afrikaans), if that is the case and a valid excuse, the least one can do is teach their children to speak one of the indigenous official languages.  Wait a minute, what am I saying? How is that possible when a whole lot of teenage black South Afrikans cannot even have a conversation in their mother tongue?